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The love quiz

Typewriter with keys spelling love

Here comes that Valentine’s Day. I’m not a fan. My tweenie/teenie self knew she wouldn’t get any cards (apart from Mum's bad fake that time). In my twenties Valentine rituals tended to underline (in red) my poor relationship choices. In my late thirties I was single again, cocking-a-snoop at the very idea of true love, and in full Valentine's boycott mode.

However, Mr G is a determined romantic, who usually sneaks Cupid in through a crack in my willpower.

For his pleasure, and hopefully yours, here is a gratuitous seasonal quiz. Answers below. Happy mid-February etceteras


1. What does the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy have to say about love?

  1. ‘Takes the Encyclopaedia Galactica 17,678 words to explain, and still nobody knows what it means.’

  2. ‘Avoid if at all possible.’

  3. ‘Best expressed by Vogon Poetry, assuming you survive the reading.’

2. Unlike English, with its one multifunctional word for love, how many words does Sanskrit have for love?

  1. 14

  2. 38

  3. 96

3. What is the meaning of the Portuguese word, saudade?

  1. An unbreakable affection for the sights, sounds and scents in the place of your upbringing.

  2. Nostalgic longing for something or someone you’ve loved and lost.

  3. Summer love – a romance that beings in warm weather but will cool when the weather does.

4. Which of these is a Klingon word for love?

  1. Ghay-cha! Klingon has no word for love.

  2. Jak'tahla.

  3. Kolat chack tabak.

5. What does basorexia mean?

  1. Unable to detect when somebody is flirting (with you or others).

  2. A form of anxiety associated with blind dates.

  3. The sudden urge to kiss someone.

6. What’s the missing word in this quote from Albert Einstein?* ‘You can’t blame ______ for falling in love.’

  1. Gravity.

  2. Infinite human stupidity.

  3. Wave-particle duality.

*I suspect this to be a misquote but I’m rolling with it.

7. What does the Dutch word gezelligheid mean?

  1. The moment when a couple make eye contact and know that love is inevitable.

  2. Snug and warm in a homely place with friends, so that you feel held and comforted.

  3. The warm feeling of self-esteem which develops by trying new activities, experiences or places alone.

8. What is the meaning of the Brazilian word cafuné?

  1. To look up from what you're doing at your lover, to find them looking at you.

  2. To run your fingers through your lover's hair.

  3. To tease your lover by pretending to be offended when you are not.

9. What's the missing word in this quote from Agatha Christie? ‘It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ____ that you realize just how much you love them.’

  1. Truly happy

  2. Miserable

  3. Ridiculous

10. What is British Sign Language for love?

  1. Kiss the back of left hand.

  2. Hug both arms around chest.

  3. Flat hands cross over on left side of chest.

11. What is the missing word from this Langston Hughes quote? 'Well, I like to eat, sleep, drink, and be in love. I like to work, read, learn, and ____.'

  1. Understand life.

  2. Write for my life.

  3. Ask questions of life.

12. What year, according to the internet, was the first ever recorded valentine love note sent (not counting the first one by Saint actual Valentine)?

  1. 1842

  2. 1765

  3. 1415

13. In Slovenia, it is an old tradition around this time of year for young women to go outside and watch the skies, what for?

  1. The first bird they see will indicate what their future husband will be like.

  2. The first bloom they see will indicate what sort of luck they will have in love this year.

  3. The shape of the first cloud they see will indicate their life fortunes.

14. What's the missing word in this Oscar Wilde quote? ‘Never love anyone who treats you like you're ____."

  1. Soft furnishings.

  2. Ordinary.

  3. Odd.

And I have to agree with Oscar about that.


1=B 2=C 3=B 4=A (B means adolescent stage of life and c means plasma containment) 5=C 6=A 7=B 8=B 9=C 10=C (A+B are both American Sign Language for love) 11=A 12=C (from a 21 year old French duke named Charles, who was imprisoned in the Tower of London, to his wife 'Je suis desja d'amour tanné/Ma tres doulce Valentinée' )13=A 14=B


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